How I Self-Sabotaged

Have you ever asked yourself: “Why does this always happen to me?” Do you believe that you were dealt a bad hand and got the short end of the stick in life?

For the longest time I believed something must be wrong with me because I always ended up with guys that did me wrong. I had no idea I was setting myself up for that disappointment. When we experience something traumatic in our lives, we begin to see ourselves and life differently. Trauma is an experience or event that devastates us emotionally, cognitively, and/ or physically. As a result, we are left feeling fearful and helpless, and often respond by numbing our emotions. Often, we disconnect from our emotions and have a hard time understanding why or how we are feeling the way we are.

Many forms of trauma, such as physical or sexual abuse, loss, pain or lack of parental guidance lead to low self worth and confidence. With lack of self worth and confidence comes self destructive behaviour. (This can come in many forms such as: isolating, addiction, overindulgence, lashing out, self injury, neediness and irresponsibility).

I had a tough upbringing where I experienced a lot of emotional turmoil. Throughout my teenage years, I went through many painful and traumatic experiences, and I developed very low self worth. I never thought I was good enough, and believed that I wasn’t worthy of someone that I truly desired in a relationship. I was no longer able to recognize my strengths or my potential, and so I settled in relationships where I let men take advantage of me in fear of not being able to find anything better.

I didn’t realize that it was my own lack of boundaries and self love that caused me to remain in those destructive relationships. When I finally did take accountability for my role in the way my life was unfolding, I recognized that I needed to take care of myself, understand my own needs and live in accordance with my values. This is how I discovered the importance of self love. Self love means taking care of your own wellbeing and finding fulfillment in your life.

Breaking those self-destructive behaviours was the start of me breaking those cycles. I had to learn to love myself in order to change the direction of my life.

8 Ways to Stop Self-Sabotaging

  1. Understand self-sabotage.
  2. Recognize self-sabotaging habits.
  3. Identify root causes.
  4. Take time for self-reflection.
  5. Find your inner positive voice.
  6. Change your pattern of behavior.
  7. Make small, meaningful changes.
  8. Set goals and make plans.


Leave a Comment

"If you don't value or take care of yourself,
how can you expect others to treat you any better?"

Both coming from backgrounds of domestic violence and various forms of abuse, we connected on a very deep level. We both experienced some very traumatic events, and after numerous breaking points and near-death experiences, we finally had enough.